It has come to my attention that gays and lesbians have become like a good “frenemy” – meaning, we acknowledge one another when you are a little less than sober, but the rest of the time if you are collectively there is an unspoken wall of separation. Is it always like this?

The gay and lesbian bars are constantly separated, and both communities speak like they want absolutely nothing to do with the other. We stick to our own little worlds and pretend like the other one is satisfied with their lot. In a sense, most of them are. Happy with the seclusion of the other in certain circumstances – but why is that? When it comes to legislation and policy, we ban jointly like the Trojan army, but in our community life there is a divide.

I went to a party in Brooklyn once that was the perfect combination of gays and lesbians – happy and contented to be together – it was in an open warehouse near Williamsburg. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. Butch lesbians dancing with feminine gay guys, laughing and cheering each other like friends. It was such a change from what I’m used to seeing. There was no separation of the varieties.

The rhetoric never ends. Gay men say that lesbians are rude, upset, and cliquish. Lesbians say that we’re pretentious and self-absorbed. We both have this idea that we’re somehow better than the other. One lesbian went so far as to say that every gay arean in all major cities was a “sausage fest,” meaning that it’s all about the guys and not enough about the women. In a way, theyre right. Homosexual guys have taken over the homosexual scene in all directions, leaving not much room for lesbians – except for a few little places. Do you consider this can cause resentment?

Let’s be honest with one another here. Both of us have faced the same discrimination in our lives, and can always have similar issues in the future. Together, we’ve become the gay community – the center of most things fabulous. The togetherness we feel during pride parades should resonate with us the entire year. It’s not as if we don’t have anything to talk about.

I’m beginning to think it is a retaliation of the sexes. Having been expected to love women all our lives, do you think it could be a reaction to that oppression? The “You have coodies” kind of thinking which takes away from connection with them. I think we can have a lot to benefit from in each other.

Grab your lesbian friend and give her a big old kiss – wipe it off – and then get to know her. I bet you that she will end up being the best person you met all day. Make a vow right here and now to not judge one another. What do you say?

Lez be much better than that.