There is only one thing that keeps gay men in shape: fear. Yes, every gay—at least those of the stereotypical abdominal-obsessed physique that populates our world—is brought about because gay men are afraid that they will be alone for the rest of their lives. If a gay man is not “serving body” while competing to find a trick or boyfriend in one of the more muscle-bound climates of gay culture, he will be sorely shut out. That is why gay men don’t get fat, because if they don’t have pecs, guns, and glutes, they’re going home alone.

Gay men, unlike their straight counterparts, don’t have the luxury to stay in “fighting shape” just long enough to find a partner before letting their bodies fall to shit afterwords. Yes, gay men go to the gym to stay competitive, but since the man-eating marathon doesn’t end after marriage, they just keep on competing and competing until death do they part.

Possibly one of the most disgusting traits humans of the 21st century have embraced is the ability to compare. It’s different from a hundred years back when the thing we compared were belt buckles. Gay men today have taken it to a harmful level, which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to love their body. How achieved it come to this?

The gay community has taken the idea of “health” and turned it visual. Calorie consumption is no longer about balancing our anatomies, but sculpting it. Working out is no longer for living an extended radiant life, but about shaping and toning our bodies like clay to match a typical of beauty. Those who don’t fit the mildew are left susceptible to our judgment and often become tools to improve other people’s pride. Those who do fit the mildew often change their body into a way to obtain value, becoming victims of their own “self-esteem” once their appears fade.

Not all homosexual men fit this routine, but nowadays when the party is finished and our friends have gone home, there are many men who in their shallow behaviors turn the tables on themselves. No matter where you are in the spectral range of “hot physiques” nobody is free of comparison. Everyone in this world is afraid of rejection. This is actually the baseline for many human mindset. If we had nothing to dread, nothing to show, nothing showing, there would be no reason to escape bed in the morning.

Increasingly more gay guys are scared of failing, being isolated or unheard, just what exactly do we do? We immediately say it’s because of just how we look. Well I have to be awful since no man is giving me the light of day. I need to begin upping my routine in the fitness center if not my partner might leave me. I’m not getting marketed at work, well known by friends, treated effectively by strangers, or getting close to where I should maintain my profession because the world thinks I’m unattractive. This is actually the beginning of a never-ending cycle.

The physical is a catalyst for a deeper self-hatred too buried to pinpoint. It’s the springboard for self-blame, self-abuse, unrealistic assumptions, unfair premonitions, illogical reasoning and underestimated value of ourselves. But it all begins with fear. Without fear there is no growth in either direction, so it’s time we start separating harmful fear from the other kind.

Fear has been a part of human being evolvement because the beginning of time. It defines our natural selection and it is the gasoline behind such healthy attributes as drive, interest, endurance, even trust. It’s impossible to live without fear, which explains why we need to differentiate our encounters.

If you’re going to be afraid of anything, it ought to be the habit of influence. Too often we’re motivated by individuals around us, often feeding using their energy. Little do we think about what kind of energy they’re providing us. Flyers, advertisement boards, TV commercials, magazines, even our very own group of friends established the baseline for our self-esteem. They are able to make us feel sexy and they can make you feel insecure. Without balance, we’re quick to form into whatever form they demand from us.

The media has filled us with such fear that we’ve become seekers of our very own defenses. In order to keep us from becoming what’s inside our thoughts we act as robotic slaves to society’s set of standards. There are times when I look in the mirror and hate what I see. It’s only later which i realize it’s because I’m not looking at myself – I’m envisioning the latest newspaper cover, the hot guy at my gym or all the children on gay Tumblrs. Once I take the moment to see my reflection and truly take it in, it becomes easier for me to transport on a form of identity. It took a while, but it is possible.

Beauty is meant to feel great. Without that, it’s impossible to view it on the outside. If we don’t feel beautiful, we’ll never supply the world a chance to see it. Don’t rid them of that luxury.