You are a gay man who has been single far too long. You are good looking and smart, have a great set of friends, and take care of yourself: A “real catch,” you tell your buds. But something deep inside is telling you that the way you have been going about finding a man isn’t working.

To become blunt, dating in the gay community sucks. It’s hard to find guys that are well worth your time and effort since a lot of times, we are either very insecure or too picky to choose. There are so many places that are open to finding the right guy, all it takes is some thought. Certainly, you aren’t heading to find a boyfriend at most straight places (although you might find a more than willing right dude).

Think about the places we go. In the event that you go to the homosexual part of town on a Friday night, chances are you will only run into other boys who are hanging with their friends and want to have a good time. This can be a good deal, depending on the man. If he’s with other gay guys, more than likely they will be willing to egg him on to get your number or at least, a quick kiss. But to find something more substantial, you need to go beyond the party scene.

Think about what kind of guy you want to find – professional? artsy? rights advocate? We come in many colors, you understand. I would have to say you would be crazy never to want a man that loves you for who you are and is honest, genuine, outgoing, and caring – but we can’t all have my boyfriend, so let’s move on.

You’re never going to meet a boyfriend if you stay locked up at home or work all day long. If you have a 9 to 5, chances are you will mainly meet someone in that area that you see often (maybe even at work). You are working most of your day and it’s where all your energy goes. It’s unlikely that you won’t eventually bump into someone that peeks your interest and keeps you wanting to get up every day, but why not help it along?

Think about public places like coffee shops, libraries, cafes, parks, and beaches. Some of these places it is best to go with friends and the rest are better to go solo.

Coffee Shops, Libraries, and Cafes

They are great places to visit during the day time by yourself – be sure to visit the homosexual section in the libraries, obviously you might see someone digging through the latest periodical. If not, I recommend grabbing one and having a seat on your own in the cafe. Order a coffee and make sure that individuals see what you are reading. You’ll be surprised at how many looks from guys you will get, and it might lead to a conversation.

Coffee shops are great throughout the day time too. This is one of the primary hang outs for singles. It’s a place to unwind and do school work or catch up with news through the free wi-fi. Keep an eye open and look available to have conversations. People are very interested when they see people sitting alone, it makes them mysterious and intriguing.

Parks, Beaches, and Bars

These are the places you should go with friends. When you visit a loner seated on the bench at the park, they may be either creepy looking or they don’t want to be bothered – don’t give this message out to people. When you have friends, it allows your group to have discussions with other groupings that are also there. You get to meet them and talk about similar interests and who knows, you might hit it off with one of them.

Bars are a little tricky because when you are out with friends, and alcohol is involved, it tends to make the night a bit more cliquey. In other words, you are only in tune with friends and family. You will find ways around this though. What about karaoke bars? Get up and do a little number, even if you suck it will still be funny and allow other folks in the bar the freedom to talk with you. Karaoke bars are a great way to mix many types of groups together in an easy way.

Clubs and Night Crawling

I’m not heading to diss this tactic. There are many people I understand who have met their partner while they were pub hoping. Think about it though, when you are club hoping the goal is to get drunk. So chances are, you will meet someone else who is also drunk. The first impression is always key – it units the building blocks for the rest of the relationship (Thank you Patti Stanger!).

Being single can be very freeing – don’t feel like you HAVE to have a partner. It’s the most unattractive quality to have. Be comfortable in your own skin. That way when you meet the right person, they will fit in perfectly.