Why Do Gay Males Hate Each Other?

My best friend and We used to joke about how much tension there is between gay men. We could be kiki-ing and strolling down 8th Avenue, but the moment another pair of gay dudes walked past, we got silent, nearly like we were ready to rip out they lace front side, or possibly we had been comparing ourselves to them for some reason. It wasn’t that we hated them always, but there is a palpable feeling of judgement, just like the four folks were thinking our own sassy thoughts about your partner being all, “Child, boo. Did you see that train wreck?”

We spend so enough time talking approximately homophobic violence aimed at gay people from straight people, and the problem is so bleak for some gays that they think that the only way out is for them to take their own lives. There are NO H8 campaigns and It Gets Better tasks and marriage equality is winning. However when are we likely to have a serious discussion about hatred towards gay guys within the gay community? When are we likely to discuss gay homophobia? Why are we so afraid of GAY?

In case you didn’t understand, gay homophobia is rampant. There are gay males who avoid the gay “picture” altogether. There are gay men who say they don’t like dark guys/men of color and claim to not become racist. There are gay men who don’t like fat men. There are gay guys who can’t stand fabulous gays AT ALL, the same gays who spend all their time at the fitness center getting totally MASC, so U B 2. Whatever – I can’t become bothered with the fitness center because I, like Victoria Beckham, do not wear flats.

Bruce Pruitt, a fresh York-based filmmaker, made a remarkable documentary about NY gays and the assumed hatred towards additional gay males in the gay community. Not only is it a remarkable question – why do gay men often hate one another – but a lot of their responses had been captivating if problematic. Some spoke about becoming embarrassed by certain areas of the gay world, like unconventional sex that might be totally faux pas in the right world. Others talked about only being attracted to masculine men and “not liking” stereotypical gay guys or the stereotypical definitions of “gay,” which is most likely why those people spend hours and hours in the gym attempting to be as masculine as possible so no one will ever know they just sucked 25 dicks.

A very important factor that stood out if you ask me about the video is usually that everybody kept talking about THE gay community, when in reality there is no such thing. There are gay communities, not really a gay community. I understand I tend to hang out more with artists and innovative types, many of whom may be gay, but the gay isn’t what links us together. Ideas are what link people together. As with any social group there are constantly subcultures within subcultures, because that’s how exactly we learn to make a place for ourselves in the world. We go where we are desired, where there are people exactly like us.

Part of living in the social globe is knowing what functions for you and making your own place for yourself. You go where you’re wished, not where you’re likely to be teased or experience rejected. You hang out with people who like you, not those who are constantly prepared to bitch slap you – unless you’re being a hot ass mess, then you probs deserve everything you got arriving. That’s why I largely prevent big, mainstream gay clubs just like the freaking plague. I never have a good time, and it’s really difficult to explain that to people without sounding like some type of jerk. It’s not merely because I don’t need to hear any Top 40 music. It’s more that I don’t experience at home or welcome there. It’s a gay space, sure, but maybe not MY kind of gay space. NOT every gay space can be a safe space.

We don’t know why some gay men hate various other gay men, but it’s definitely a question we should spend more time discussing.