How To Talk With a Gay Man
Last week, someone visited my blog by searching “how to be friends with a gay guy for straight guy.” I hope he found my blog useful, even if he didn’t find exactly what he wanted: there was no blog post on the topic… until now.
I came across this while doing some research on the Internet. An Article Worth Reading: How to Talk With a Gay or Lesbian Person
Understand Gay and Lesbian People
Be open minded, as you would with any other person
Do not assume that a person is sexually attracted to you
Be aware that it took a lot of courage for someone to tell you that he or she is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender
Realize that friendship with a person who is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender is no different.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that the vast majority of what is listed on that page is what we would expect to be common knowledge, but for anyone who has lived in a small town, you’ll know that this information could actually come in handy. At any rate, however, I couldn’t stifle a bit of a chuckle when I actually first found the article, simply because it would never occur to me to have to write out some kind of instructional guide on how to talk to a homo. Too funny.
I love that someone put aside time enough to write an article about how to talk to gay and lesbian people. But I want to write something from myself.
Let me begin by saying, I have a lot of straight male friends. Actually, I have more straight man friends than I have gay male friends. Most of these friendships were made during school, through friends from school, or through work, and much like many friendships, my cable connections with these men are based on shared interests, not sexuality. (I find I’ve very little in common with many homosexual men in Washington aside from our being homosexual, and a distributed sexual choice isn’t enough to keep me interested or engaged in developing a friendship.)
Here are five tips about how a directly man can nurture and sustain a camaraderie with a homosexual man.
1. Respect Variations, Recognise Similarities: You know he’s homosexual and he knows you’re direct. Don’t pretend like you’re both blind to sexuality. It really is Alright to ask questions about encounters, histories, or ideals that are related to sexuality so long as you are respectful of 1 another’s answers. You are both men who want a few of the same things in life; it is how you are going about satisfying your wishes that may differ.
2. Avoid Double Requirements: If you’re uncomfortable hearing in what your gay friend does along with his times, then focus on conversation topics unrelated to dating but don’t expect him to hear you discuss your own dating life. I’ve a friend who’s Alright with my being gay but sometimes easily mention a transferring attraction to a man, he’ll stop me and say, “An excessive amount of, Zach.” I find this type of response problematic, especially because he openly discusses his attraction to women beside me. This is unfair and degrading to my experience as an intimate being. Friendships should be reasonable and mutually valuable. If you can discuss dating and can check out girls, then your gay friend can talk about dating and can check out guys.
3. Not the Token Gay: Nobody wants to be the token friend. Your black friend may not enjoy it if you go to him for information on stereotypically dark topics, right? The same is true for your homosexual friend. You can find stereotypes about gay men’s style and visual sensibilities, but much like any stereotypes, it is wrong to apply them as general truths to a whole population. Not absolutely all gays want you to demand advice on how to light your living room or what colors to wear this springtime. Such requests are cliche, insulting, and just plain boring.
4. Not A Lady: Your gay friend is not really a replacement for a woman. If he is sensitive and nurturing, it’s because that’s his character, not because he’s “such as a woman.” Also, not all gay men are tuned into what young ladies think or want. If you want advice about what you must do regarding a predicament with your partner, ask him because he’s your friend, not because he’s gay. And never strategy him as though he has some insight into the female psyche. If anything, he knows more about you than he does about her, and that’s because he’s your friend.
5. You’re Not that Cute: I understand this can be hard for you to handle, but you probably don’t have to get worried about being hit on by your gay friend. It’s likely that, you are not as adorable as you think you are. Unless he has made immediate goes by at you, he understands you’re directly and he’s not foolish enough to “change you.” If he’s that foolish, he has issues that he must offer with. Also, if he has made goes by at you even after you’ve informed him you’re direct, then he might not be considered a genuine friend. Friends listen and react to each other out of mutual respect for sustaining the friendship. No one should ever be made to feel uncomfortable because of your individual sexualities. Also related to the issue, don’t judge all gay men by one bad experience.
I hope these five tips help whoever it was that came to my blog last week looking for tips on how straight men can be friends with homosexual men. That you were delicate enough to look for such information says a lot about who you are, and I’m sure you’ll be considered a great friend. One very last thing: if your friend has just come out to you, remember that nothing about him has transformed. He has been homosexual a long time before he revealed his sexuality for you. Coming out for you means he’s ready to add more of who he’s for an already beneficial companionship.
Finally, please be aware my tips are based on my experiences by itself, and I do not speak for all gay men. Remember, the foundation of every romantic relationship is respect.