How do gay men recognize that other men are gay?
How Gay Guys Recognise One Another?
Unfortunately, the advice I have for you will probably not clear up your confusion about your love interest’s intimate orientation. There is absolutely no way to inform if someone is gay by his appearance, mannerisms, or incidentally he dresses. There are a lot of stereotypes out there about identifying a guy as homosexual if he’s effeminate, strolls with a “swish”, has all female friends, isn’t interested in sports, etc. But they are all myths; certainly there are some homosexual men who screen these characteristics, but a great deal of straight men do too, and it’s dangerous to generalize and make assumptions based on this. A whole lot of gays and lesbians develop “gaydar”, an user-friendly sixth sense about someone’s orientation, but it would be a mistake to summarize these feelings as valid or proof either.
I would extreme caution you never to assume this guy is gay until you have more evidence, no matter how much your gut tells you otherwise. Especially with your not being “out” and attempting to protect your privacy, it’s probably not worth the risk to directly ask him, as there’s no informing how he’ll react and what the potential consequences could be. But all is not doomed here, my friend! There are a few options available for you.
I would extreme care you not to assume man is gay until you have more evidence, no matter how much your gut tells you otherwise. But all is not doomed here, my pal! There are many options available for you.
First, you could let some time go by as well as perhaps he might disclose his sexuality to you, or others, by himself once he gets more adjusted to his new environment. This may take a very long time though and can prolong your agony, not to mention he might never say anything. Second, you could attempt some refined flirting with him. Shoot him a quick glimpse with a playful smile and convert away, glance back again, turn away, glance back again to find out if he proceeds to come back your eyes contact; you’ll be able to inform if he’s signaling interest or not through this perhaps. But again, there will be a risk included if you decided to approach him centered solely on flirting exchanges, so be careful. I would recommend the 3rd option, which is to befriend him and ask him if he’d like to “hang out” sometime and find out what he says. This takes the pressure from dating and allows for the two of you to gradually build a camaraderie and find out if you’re suitable as friends first. Then, as time passes, as your companionship and the intimacy deepens between your couple, you’ll have more of a basis of trust founded. If he’s homosexual, he could then feel more comfortable posting that with you once you have more of a connection and/or he’ll drop hints. Either that, or you yourself might feel convenient being vivid and requesting him straight because you’ll be in a better position to evaluate his trustworthiness and keeping things private. And if you find out he’s right, well, you’ve made a buddy along the way as you go back to the drawing board!
And yes, dating a man is quite different than dating a woman. Our straight counterparts have ascribed tasks (though that’s changing!) as it pertains to dating and relationships; these were given the chance as young teens to practice and test out dating openly. While the dating rituals can be comparable with straights and gays, quite often gay men make up their own rules as they go along because we weren’t trained how to time another man and absence role models. The dynamics of man-to-man interactions are extremely different too. As men, we’ve been socialized to be strong, compete, and to be more action/achievement-oriented than communicative/feelings-oriented. Put two men together who’ve been conditioned this way and it can create some very interesting dynamics. Homosexual human relationships do work and do prosper! That is a very complex issue and I encourage you to learn through to the books that’s out there to educate yourself further on issues related to being homosexual.